American Dream

I know this blog is supposed to be grounded in the business of wine however I wanted to spend some time thinking and writing about myself and where I am at personally.  Writing for me is a release and a way to express myself.  My hope is also that if someone reading this is in similar situation, that they know they are not alone.  While I am very fortunate about getting this harvest job and how everything has worked out, from turning down the financial job I was certain I was going to take, to being laid off, to deciding that I wanted to move to California and work a harvest to kick of this quest, it is a constant battle. 

There are times when I question exactly what I am doing.  I have made a conscious decision to go outside the norm and to pursue true passion relentlessly at the expense of comfort and safety.  I have made this decision, no one else, while I am supported by my family and friends (thank you so so so much, you mean the world to me!) I feel alone in this.  I am betting the house on myself and at times it does scare me.  Fear, the most paralyzing feeling that can ultimately lead to inaction.  I am constantly battling this fear, fear of no job, fear of no retirement savings, fear of not having a "career", in sum, fear of stepping out of what you are taught to do starting as a little dude in kindergarten.  I look at my friends who are married, settling down, putting down roots and I wonder what that must be like and sometimes I think that I want that.  I crave a place to call home, that is mine.  I wonder where I am going to get the money to put this together, to pay for education, to live, to live the way I want to live.  I am thinking that everyone that has every attempted to start a business has gone through this.  Bill Gates did not just all of a sudden become the richest man in the world.  I am sure there was tons and tons of blood, sweat, and tears.  I mean the guy dropped out of Harvard to start his own company!  Tom Rochioli didn't just all of sudden make some of the best Chardonnay and Pinot in the world, it took serious dedication and hard work.   Bruce (whose family I live with) raised two kids with his wife while operating his landscaping company in San Francisco while at the same time building Zinscape (Zinscape).  This is America.  America is full of people like this, they took a chance and pursued it with everything they had.  They bet the farm on themselves, some won and some lost.  This is America, America is NOT free handouts, entitlements, lazy, big government, bailouts on and on and on.  It takes constant reassurance in my own head that I am doing the right thing.  I have these little battles with myself on a daily basis.  Especially earlier this week, as it was very very difficult but you pick yourself off the floor, dust yourself off and charge forward because there is no other option not for me, not ever.

One thing I do know is that as much as I feel the way I do, I know that I am on the right path, I know this is right, it has to be.  I get up every day at 6am and not once have I felt like awww, dang time for work, I want to go back to bed!  I get the greatest satisfaction out of what I am doing now.  Creation, creating something with my own hands, knowing that what I am learning is invaluable, that it will help me in whatever I do next.  This is my journey.

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.  Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definetely commits oneself, then providence moves too.  All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred.  A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings, and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would come his way.  Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.  Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.  Begin it now. - Goethe